Crisis on Infinite Parodyverses Part #7 And Thus Shall Some Earths Die!

Post By ag Wed Jun 21, 2006 at 12:37:06 pm EDT	Subject Crisis on Infinite Parodyverses Part #7 And Thus Shall Some Earths Die! Originally All Right. Time to get serious about the PV. Crisis on Infinite Parodyverses Repost Thread	In Reply To ag Wed Jun 21, 2006 at 11:42:25 am EDT

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The Paradopolis night sky looks different lately. The stars are aligned wrong, there’s a dark purple hue to the night and a strange Plaid effect dissolving block after block of the city.
Most citizens have been evacuated by the combined Lair Legion, JBH, Wonderful 7, New Battlers and Junior LL.
One girl is still here however.
Her name is Kerry Shepardson and she’s depressed.
She sits on the highest part of a building, holding her legs in a sort of closed position. Her companion can tell Kerry wants to be closed off.
She doesn’t care however. Artimies hasn’t known this girl very long but she knows when someone might need someone to talk too.
“Alright Kerry. Spill it. What’s going on? Why so quiet?”
“You’re kidding right? My older sister was captured, so were other heroes including two of the Juniors and the world is ending and you ask what is wrong? It’s over Charlotte. We can only put off the end so long. Times up. The big finish.”
Artimis fingers her bow and looks out across the city. “I think you give up to easy Kerry. Give it some time. We’ll pull through.”
At that moment she sees one of the buildings about to crumble due to the tremors. A man stands near it, unaware that a building is about to fall on him.
She fires an arrow line and swings down to him. She manages to push the man to safely.
Kerry watches from the rooftop. “A hero through and through, that’s what she is. All I can do is wine and mope while she saves lives. What kind of person does that make me?”

Inside an old majestic house on the outskirts of GothemMetropolis York two men sit while two children are busy creating works of art. It’s past normal children’s bed time but for these two it’s just morning. They have woken up from their coffins and now create with skills far beyond their apparent ages.
The boy looks twelve but paints like a master. Roland glances out the window at the Plaid Wall way off in the distance as it destroys the city and then back at his reproduction of it on canvas.
The girl looks eight but is in the middle of a very difficult classical piece that she plays perfectly on their old piano. Annabelle listens to her surrogate father talk to their old friend. She wont let on that she hears their conversation but it interests her very greatly.
“I’m just not so sure about your confidence Con. This Crisis effects everyone. What makes you so sure my children will survive it?” Anthony Foresight, pacifist vampire and surrogate father to the vampric children asked the enigmatic Con Jonstantine.
Con just continues to sit in his chair and sips his drink, “Because old friend I read the signs. Things will change, but only for the better in my opinion.” He then thinks to himself, “I’m far more interested in what will happen to you. Yes, especially to you old friend.”

The man finally reaches the secret sanctuary after days of climbing. His name is Alexander and he has come to see the one man who could advise him on his life.
He flops onto the snowy ground and breathes. Finally he is able to stand up on shaky legs and walks to the hidden temple where this man of knowledge sits.
Yug Gni Zama is an old, bald wise man. No one knows just how old Zama truly is. All anyone knows is that he is very wise and may very well know all the secrets of the universe.
Finally Alexander speaks, “Mr. Zama, is it truly the end of the world?”
Zama looks to be in a trance but speaks up after a long silent pause, “It is the end of SOME worlds. Something’s end while others change, but the changing of some marks the end of others. The Roadkill Raccoon of Knowledge has granted me many a view into things yet to be. Your future is an interesting one Alexander! Go home and await it!”
“My future? But what about the world?”
“After the ending, there in starts your beginning. The time will come for you to write a whole new chapter in your life.”

Crisis on Infinite Parodyverses Part #7 And Thus Shall Some Earths Die!

In her dark house Hagatha Darkness watches through her crystal ball. She sees a world where nuclear war broke out in 1962. Most people are radiated walking corpses while only a few normal people hide in buildings waiting for some kind of salvation.
That salvation wont be coming however as the Plaid Wall destroys this Earth. While it had just begun tearing through the Parodyverse, it is almost finished with this world.
In one of these bunkers the hero known as the Cyclotronic Man blasts his cosmic power into the Plaid Wall. His little electrons are still circling his atomically charged body.
“NOOO! IT CANT END LIKE THIS! I WONT LET IT!”
But despite his protests the Anti-Story absorbs him silently.
The sad Soothsayer just watches as another hero falls and another world fades out.
The old, wise Hagatha just regards this man and wonders what piece he brings to the puzzle.

The Lurker’s Hexagonal Ship, where the old, wizened Lurker watches the view screens. In one of them he watches the Avenging League of Justice charge into battle. He sees Green Quasar, the Martian Vision, Dark Iron, Scarlet Canary, Wolverion, Giantom,
Green Archer and Photon Ray fight Kang the Lord of Time to a standstill.
“If the Cowled Criminal destroys the Parodyverse and it’s sister universes it will then strike the Amalgam Multiverse, then move onto the mainstream worlds. This Multiverse HAS to stand against him.” He thinks to himself. “As the enemy continues to get closer and with the death of Parodyverse Prime he shall gain more power.”
The monitor switches to a picture of the Chain Knight, Maladomina, Phleglethor, Bloodreaper and Nosferos, collectively known as the Hellraisers.
“If I do save the world it will still suffer even more pain months from now. That does not matter however. It must be done!”
He makes his final adjustments even as the screen looks in on a residential home.
Energy shoots out from the Lurker’s ship and lances down to the house. It bursts through a window and attacks a strange device a woman is holding. She was just looking this metal rod over when it happened.
The beam charged the rod with more power then it could handle, exploding it right beside the woman.
She screamed as the flash of strange light claimed her.
The Lurker watches from his screen and thinks, “It is done. She will become something stronger. I only prey she’ll use it for good like her father before her.”
We pan back to see a screen showing the Lurker watching the explosion. Humdinger shakes with fury as she watches him. She says to herself, “I feel hate for you. I can’t control it! I still feel my loyalty to you my master, yet I also feel an overwhelming desire to kill you! I cant stop myself! I must destroy you!”
Young Greg Dean is the sole survivor of his Earth. His parents Andy and Ziles sent him through the Multiversal Substratum to find a home here in the Parodyverse. Every day he ages faster. Now he is a teenage and has gotten to understand how things work in the Lurker’s headquarters. He loves the Lurker like a father and sees Humdinger as an older sister. He watches Humdinger watching the Lurker watching the remains of the Power Rod explosion and thinks about Humdinger.
Within his screen he sees Humdinger blast her screen and take off in a blaze of power. “She’s going to kill him now. The Lurker told me it would happen. She’s in pain and doesn’t realize by killing the Lurker she’ll help his plan. Go. Do what you must and so will I.”

The Satireverse, a universe much like the Parodyverse, yet quite different. This Earth has Vibrational Sporks too. One is set up in the current era in the major city of Satireopolis. We see the Den Defenders’ floating fortress HQ overlooking a panicked city. The Plaid Wall of Anti-Story is destroying city block after block, sending the populace screaming in panic.

Richard Mason aka Exodus, the information and tech support helper for the Den Defenders, tried franticly to watch all his monitors and assess the situation. So much was going on at the same time! He watched as most of the Den Defenders were fighting off Shadow Creatures beside the strange machine in the center of the city. He saw other heroes helping in the evacuation near the strange Plaid Wall. He even saw that Agent of the Man, Andrew Dean, helping people escape destruction. With all of this going on Exodus had no idea what he should do to advise his team.

Within the headquarters, watching the madness from the Hall of the Fallen, is Hopkins 2001. He stands beside the statues of his fallen friends.
“Hopkins get to the Communications Center now! That strange machine has started to hum and I need to get to the lab to figure it out!” Dr. Visionary commanded through the building speakers.
Hopkins 2001 turned to leave the hall. As he leaves he walks by the statues of deceased members Edwin, Laurie, loud bang, Sarge, Serpent, Zile, Aqua-Simian and Golden Boy. He wonders if there would be anymore fallen friends to add to the hall tomorrow.

In the communications center Dr. Visionary was stressed. “Where is that robot? If I had more time I would build a new one to help out!”
The ultra violent hologram helper known as Henchbot replied while working the controls, “Well sometimes even a super smart brain like you cant do it all. Maybe you should just calm down. The Den Defenders have things in control.”
“In control? IN CONTROL? That machine showed up out of the blue, then those two appeared from the Parodyverse to guard it then that… that Plaid Wall starts to wipe out whole city blocks… and as far as I can tell it’s moving across the universe too! As if that wasn’t enough those shadow creatures showed up and are trying to attack the machine and now it’s humming! How prey tell is that in control?”
“Calm down Vish. We’ll figure it out.” Professor William Reed responded calmly. The older of the two, Professor Reed always took things one step at a time. Maybe it was his super-level genius or maybe his years of experience. Whatever the reason, it was what kept him level headed during crisis after crisis.
“Yes. You’re right. But what about ITC? Does your company have any ideas what’s causing all this?” Dr. Visionary asked.
“No old friend it doesn’t. For some reason the Interdimensional Transportation Corporation has been brought to a stand still. We’ve tried modifying the Transdimensional Generators but nothing works. It’s up to the Den Defenders now.”
“That’s what I’m worried about!” Dr. Visionary snapped.

While one of the most brilliant minds in the Satireverse struggled to find some Tylenol, the sworn protectors of this universe fight the shadow creatures side by side with two agents of the Lurker; the legendary Jarvis and his Earth’s meatiest hero, Ham-Boy.
Jarvis sends out the Jarvis Cosmic into the Shadow Demons, blasting them apart. “These things don’t hold up against my powers very well. How are you doing Ham-Boy?”
Fred Harris, the Parodyverse hero known as Ham-Boy, looked at the oncoming creatures and various meat products formed around them. They passed right through the meat and kept coming until Jarvis blasted them apart. “Not good! My meat based powers don't seem to work on these guys, if they are guys to begin with!"
“Ham-Boy can I ask you a question?”
“Sure.” He said while dodging the creatures before Jarvis blew them apart.
“So you said you’re NOT part of the Lair Legion, right?”
"Yes. I'm part of the junior team. We call ourselves the Lair Legion Jr.!"
Jarvis lets out a laugh & shakes his head in disbelief. "A junior team? We
just had spiffy and now there's a whole team."
"spiffy is on the team, too!" HB said as he tries to stop some shadow creatures with more meat. Jarvis shakes his head, again, in disbelief.
“What?”
“Oh nothing. There just have been so many changes since my time. Is Lisa still on the team?”
“Yeah. She helps them out from time to time.”
“I bet she does.” Jarvis said and followed it with a wink. HB misses the joke.
“Her son is being taken care of in another dimension so she has more time to…”
"WHAT?" Jarvis says. That comment almost stops Jarvis dead in his tracks. "Lisa has a child? Who is the father? Was it... Ah.. Me?"
"YOU? I don't know. I sure hope not because I heard that Lisa is your sister. How could you have been the father?" Ham-Boy said and then shivered at the thought.
“Come again? She’s not my sister! We’re lovers. At least that’s how things were when Humdinger came and got me.”
“Wait, how long have the Lair Legion been around from your perspective?” Ham-Boy said, sort of fearing the answer.
“I still can’t get used to that name. I’m used to the name League of Regulars. We have only been together for about one year.”
"Ok, hold on. You mean you've only been together for a year?" HB said. This fact stopped him in his tracks.
"Yes."
"Ok. I'm sort of new at this big time super hero stuff. So, I might not be the best person ask about what's happen since you've been gone."
"Agreed. Now, back to the fight, the older guy named Hatman mentioned that some other heroes from our universe came here. Have you ever been here before?"
"Nope. Never been here, this is my first time to another dimension. Must've been some other heroes. Maybe Amazing Guy?"
"Who?"

The hero Jarvis mentioned known on this Earth as The Hatman pushed his team harder than ever before. Despite his aged features, this hero led his team with the vigor of men far younger. “Come on team! I know we can do it! It’s up to us to stop these creatures! DEN DEFENDERS… DEMOLISH!"
The Satireverse Hatman has the ability to give other people powers with his hats. He hasn’t had a chance to do this yet as his team is holding their own.
Thundar, the German Thunder God swung his powerful battle ax, whipping up lighting to shatter the Shadow Demons.
War-350 aimed his Sonic Disruptor Cannons at the creatures and fired, shattering them to pieces.
With mighty wings flapping in the wind, Angelheart slashed at the Shadow Demons with his flaming sword. It worked beautifully, cutting the dark monsters in two.
The Acoustic Avenger allowed a smile as he held his Gretsch White Falcon classic guitar. The creatures moved in close but he starts strumming a few bars from Wipe Out and the power from this Heaven sent instrument destroyed the creatures where they flew.
As Jarvis works his way through the creatures he got closer to War-350 and Thundar. The three of them made a devastating path through the creatures.
That left Ham-Boy to try to fend for himself.

"Crap!" he says to no one else then himself.
The creatures chased after the Meaty Might, causing him to hide behind an overturned car. "What do I do now? What the frigging do I do now? My powers have no effect on these things! I should have never left the Parodyverse." He thought to himself in fear. Thanks to his bladder control, he doesn't wet himself, yet.
"Hey! Are you all right?" a familiar voice asked him. He knows that voice, but from where? It his own! That fact that surprised him for a moment. He turned around to see himself in a costume that looked like his but was very different. This person who he recognized as himself stood beside someone that reminded HB of Kid Produce.
"Yeah. I'm fine." HB said as he stood up. "Just a little in over my head." HB was staring at what appeared to be himself.
"What?' His doppelganger asked.
"You're... You're... You're me!" HB yelled and pointed. The person who looked like Kid Produce tried not to laugh, but he couldn't help it.
"I guess so. I wondered if your universe had a version of me, too. I'm Veggie-Boy!" The Satireverse version of Ham-Boy said and put out his hand to have it shaken. HB did, still staring at himself.
"And this is my partner in crime fighting, Kid Butcher." VB said motioning to the man next to him. He waved hello.
"We're members of the Den Defenders and our Hatman asked us to lag behind the main force and look for hurt and lost people, stuff like that. A friend of ours, Cody Harper, your universe may have a version of him, too. He's lost somewhere in the city. Want to help us look for him?"
"Sure." Ham-boy said and the three start down the street.
“So what are your powers?” the Parodyverse Fred asked but before they could answer they each heard their query.
Cody Harper, wayward son of an evil dictator, was clinging onto the golden Vibrational Spork. “HEELLP!” he called out to anyone listening.
With confidant gestures brought on from many a battle, Veggie-Boy looked at the ground beneath Kid Butcher and vegetables of various size and variety sprung up around him. They created a vegetable slide as Kid Butcher heads up to Cody.
"Keep the slide solid while I get Cody!" Kid Butcher said.
"No problem!" Veggie-Boy said.
"Grab on, Cody!" Kid Butcher said once the slide had gotten to him.
"Thanks, KB! I know I shouldn't have climbed up that thing but I was curious where it came from!" Cody got on.
"Just like your father, always more curious then you should be!" Kid Butcher replied, sarcastically.
"Hey! Don't you ever compare me to him! I'm not an overpowering monster." Cody shot back at Kid Butcher angrily.
"It's alright. Kid Butcher was just giving you a hard time. Better lay off the kid, ok?" Veggie-Boy said to his partner.
"Sorry. I just got carried away."
Ham-Boy watched these two work in such harmony and thought of his lone meeting with Kid Produce. He wondered if he should team up with him again.

On the other side of the massive Spork, Dreamspeaker Kachina Foxglove, also known as the energetic CrazySugarFreakBabe!, bounced around the oncoming Shadow Demons without even being touched once. “This is fantastic! It’s just like DC’s Crisis! I would wish to be Lady Quark and wind up living in the Parodyverse just because it would be sooo cool to pal around with my PV double, except that would mean all my friends here would be dead too and that’s something of a drag. I wouldn’t want my boy friend to die after all, huh Dominic? I mean we still haven’t done it doggie style all night long!”
“Dreamspeaker! PLEASE!” the polite Dominic Clancy said in shock. His face was almost as red as his cape. Ever since he joined in his hero guise of Fugleman he has always passed on her advances. “We’re not a couple! You’re nice and all but golly gee Dreamspeaker! You know I can’t let a relationship stand in the way of my fight against the forces of evil.” He used his super speed to dodge three Shadow Demons, then smashed a broken building on them. “Besides, I’m saving myself for marriage! Gosh!”
“That’s my cute Fugleman! Such a boy scout!”
Dominic wished his partner was here but knew she was busy on the other side of town saving lives.

That she indeed was, as she and two of her fellow Den Defenders, were trying to evacuate people from the part of town that was being dissolved by the Anti-Story Wall.
Fugleman’s canine partner, Princess, flew at super speed through a crumbling wall, taking the bricks and mortar after her with her speed instead of letting it fall on the unsuspecting people below. She speeds around then landed, turning into her human shape, “Hey you two! Have you seen Falcon and Da White Spot?”
The vigilante and expert marksmen, Gunshot, replied as he carries a frightened little girl to the ground, “Haven’t seen them.”
Another vigilante, this one throwing her razor sharp paring knives through a falling telephone line, there by severing the electrical charge, answered, “I think they are a few blocks over.”
“Thank you Gunshot and you too Madam Chef!” Princess turned back to her normal dog shape and tore off in that direction.
As she flew over she barked at the crazy hero known as Da White Spot. He was the newest recruit to the Den Defenders and not all there. He was still heroic however as he opened a portal to his pocket dimension and another on the other side of town, allowing people to escape certain death. He waved at his team mate.
She continued further until she saw a sight that filled her bones with dread. Amazing Guy was in his concrete form holding up a wall. Behind the wall the Anti-Story was approaching.
“JIM! WATCH OUT!” Falcon called out. He was a brown bird with a human brain and more bravery then most people. He swooped down to his friend.
"BIRDY!" Amazing Guy said & hugged the bird. Forgetting his was still in concrete form, he crushed Falcon in his arms. Then, the wall AG was holding up fell on them.
Princess tried to warn them but it was too late as the Anti-Story claimed two more victims. The Satireverse Amazing Guy and Falcon faded into the Plaid, never to be seen again. Amazing Guy was kicked out of the Den Defenders for his stupidity, but Princess knew no one deserved that kind of fate. She whimpered back to her owner. The team needed to know what had happened.

Just outside the city a large space ship hovered. Within it two power mad evil men scheme as they watched the horror going on in the city.
“This will be the perfect cover for our take over Harper! With my power and your super intelligence we can take the city and kill the Den Defenders once and for all!” Lord Nats proclaimed. His British henchman, Jackflap, was looking over the controls of the large ship.
“I concur Lord Nats! My thousand strong army of purple haired fem-bot ninja warriors stand ready to attack at any moment!” Dr. Al B Harper, tyrannical ruler of the small nation of Costa-del-Luna, enthused with excitement.

Elsewhere, in a place of doves, the Triumvirate of the Satireverse watched these events closely.
“Maybe it’s time the Satireverse’ story comes to an end?” Jeremy Frost, the Destroyer of Tales, suggested.
“No! There’s still much more of it’s story to tell! We can’t let it!” Whitney Darkness, the Shaper of Worlds, protested.
Ioldabaoth Winkleweald, the Chronicler of Stories, remained silent a few minutes more. His green eyes stared at the events with no expression. He finally broke the silence, “I believe we should let things run their course. There is much to consider. Yes. Much.”

The Interdimensional Transportation Corporation in downtown Paradopolis, where confusion and frustration rule the day.
“Anything yet?” Dame Jana, the strange looking female alien asked the ITC manager, Mr. Limpqvist Lundqvist.
“Nothing! We cant get the Janis Junctures to open up! It looks like that Wall of Plaid Anti-Story is jamming them.”
“Well work harder! All our deliveries are piling up and the customers are furious!” she commanded. She was one of two members of a
race of dimensional guardians from before time. The other one was her ex-husband and she sure wasn’t going to ask his help.
“One thing is for sure though.” Mr. Lundqvist assured, “If we can’t get a portal open neither can Framlicker nor her fools!”

The old Sixways firehouse in Gothamatropolis York, the location of Extraordinary Endeavor Enterprises, where a stressed Miss Muffy Framlicker frets to her fellow EEE employees. “Well Harper? Anything yet?”
Al B. Harper, super smart scientist and adventurer, absently replied while keeping his full attention on his work, “If I could just amplify the broad Transdimensional readings while at the same time pulling more power from the Negativity Zone conduit, maybe that would… unless I could transfigure those bi=polar readings from the Day-Vincent scale to interpret Writchards particle growth! Maybe if I draw cosmic Kirby Dots from the Juxtiscope towards interspatial…” He trailed off talking to himself even as his hands moved furiously over the control panels and flashing buttons.
”Is he always so intense?” Liu Xi Xian, the teenage visitor and practitioner of Chinese elemental magics, asked Yuki Shiro.
Yuki is an Asian detective with an artificial body and purple hair. Only her brain and soul are human. She was asked to stand guard incase something “unexpected happened” as Al put it earlier.
She replied to her teenage companion, “Yes he can be a bit obsessive.”
“Shut up you two! Something’s happening!” Amy Aston snapped at the other girls.
A loud crackle and the machine started to glow and then sizzle. A strange bang erupted followed by a “Eureka!” by Harper.
“YOU DID IT AL!” Miss Framlicker said with more excitement then she intended. She was so grateful to have her business up and running she kissed Al on the cheek. Realizing too late what she had done, she went ridged again and acted like it never happened.
Everyone just looked at her.
“What? We’re back in business and all you people can do is stare? What’s the readings say Harper? Do we have full dimensional contact?”
“Yes but something’s wrong. It’s reading bio signs from the other side.” Al replied.
“Isn’t it pointing towards the Negativity Zone?” Amy asked.
Miss Framlicker turned to Yuki, “Stand ready! Nats had to go and get himself abducted like the fool he is so you’re our only defense!”
“Understood.” Yuki replied, steeling herself up for an attack.
“I don’t understand this!” Al said absentmindedly, “Something has locked onto our portal! I can barley keep it open as it is with all the Anti-Story interference!”
“LOOK!” Amy called out as four humanoid forms could be seen moving through the light. Before anyone could do anything the otherworldly visitors stepped out of the light.
Al cant believe his eyes as his old friend and fellow scientist, Professor Weed Writchards comes into view. His body seems to be stretching. “Al Harper? I should’ve know it would be you who freed us!”
There they stood, returned to their home after years of exile in the Negativity Zone. The Four Challengers of the Fantastic Unknown, Lump, Frosty, Mist and the Prof.
“Weed Writchards? Is it really you?”
“In the plant-like flesh! Boy have we got a lot to talk about. You’ll never believe what has happened to my companions and myself.” The hero called the Prof replied.
Kate Frost Writchards put her arm around her husband and said, “So this is the Al Harper you’re always talking about Weed darling?”
Jacky Frost, her kid brother, iced up and cheered, “YES! WE FINALLY MADE IT HOME!”
The massive Brick Laird shuffled towards the window, “What will the world think of us?”
Liu Xi looks over the new visitors and said “Most interesting!”
That’s when the portal crashed again, closing off any chance of getting out of this universe for anyone.

The forests of Medieval England in the year 1204 AD. A strange, sensuous woman watches the near by destruction with a keen eye. She is Madam Enchanted and all the mystical power of the age is at her disposal. Beside her sits Natsif the elf , ManDwarf and the artificial man of wood known as Fake man. Pixiedancer flies around the fire Madam Enchanted has whipped up.
All five watch as the strange Plaid Wall of Anti-Story continues it’s path of destruction. They gaze at the strange humming Vibrational Spork in awe. It dwarfs the majestic castle of King Jarvikins.

At that castle people run in fear as Shadow Creatures attack. It is a couple years after Yo’s arrival and later departure. Now Jarvikins is the new king and some heroes have fallen to the many foes the Lair Knights have faced in their short career.
Today they stand at full force, ready to defend their land and kingdom as they have done for the last few years.

[Crisis Pin-Up Poster #7: The Lair Knights:
The castle looms behind them, looking mysterious and drafty. King Jarvikins stands in the front with his sword held high.
To his left is Lady Lisette Waltshire in her dress with her favorite whip. To his right is his best knight, Helm Man holding his sword up as well. Behind Helm Man to the right is the BawdyBardJesterJouster! in his bright orange and green armor. Behind Lady Waltshire to the left the Forester aims an arrow. Off to the far left in the back is the mysterious Holland V. Next to him, the Darkened Knight. On the far right towards the back young spoffy the page runs to catch up. In the sky towards the right Sir Valiant rides his loyal winged horse Acorn. In the air towards the left the small dragon called Puff flaps his tiny wings. On his right floats Lady Sersin.
Way in the background the lone figure of Knight Ghost lies, drunk on mead… again.]

“Knights! Let us show yon creatures what they get for attacking the kingdom!” King Jarvikins commanded.
As one they charged. spoffy stayed behind of course, as he was only a squire. The rest yelled as they attacked the Shadow Creatures. They had no powers like the heroes of the future. Just armor, swords and a whole lot of bravery.
Puff incinerated many creatures while Lady Sersin tried transfiguring them into pigs. Her Austernal powers didn’t work on them so she turned the air molecules around them to glass, wood or stone. That slowed them down a bit.
“Hey Lover boy! That woman is using my trick!” the 21st Century villain known as Suicide Blonde remarked as she was doing the same thing to other Shadow Demons.
“Look, for the last time, I’m not your lover! Chronic just did something with that guitar of his and made you THINK you love me!” Nats explained as he used his telekinesis to grab a creature and rip it apart. Beneath him Helm Man was helping people get to safety.
“Sure, sure. That’s why I love you so much Natsy-poo! You’re modest!” the criminal villain replied as she transformed the air around three creatures into fire (a trick she just saw Lady Sersin successfully pull off).
Nats rolled his eyes then turned around to almost get swiped by a dark creature. A florescent green sword rips through the creature.
“Wouldn’t do if one of the heroes from the future got killed, now wouldst it?” Squire William of Wonkham said. He swished his weapon a few times then tore open more creatures. “I don’t believe we’ve been properly introduced. I am Squire William. Some call me the Orange-and-Green Knight but you can call me the BawdyBardJesterJouster!” the colorful knight then winked at his lady love, Princess Serendipity Spenser, who watched from a tower nearby.
“How did you do that?” Nats asked.
“I dipped mine sword in my Extraordinary Excelsior. Thus enabling it to fight the toughest of magics!”
“If thou dost not stop bragging and aid us I’ll dip you where yon horses drink!” Robin Bastion, the archer known as the Forester warned as he shot through four demons.
“Trickshot?” Nats asked.
“I be the Forester friend Nats! Doth ye not remember me?”
“Whu? Wait, we’ve met? How could I have met you? I’ve never been to this year.”
“Nay! You helped me a few years back.” Bastion tried to explain but his thoughts were interrupted as part of the castle almost fell on him. Lady Waltshire’s whip wrapped around his waist at the last moment and pulled him free.
“Ho friend Bastion! Thou almost became more flat then a sheet of parchment!” she called out.
Knight Ghost continued to lie in the street, drunk and pants less. As he looked up at Nats and Suicide Blonde fighting Shadow Demons beside the exiled Ausgardian Sir Valiant on winged Acorn, he mumbled something about his closet back on the Island and passed out.

Virgil Salvage watched from his hiding spot in the woods and thought to himself, “Just what does all this mean? More visitors from the future, a strange Plaid effect bringing destruction to the land, strange creatures made of shadow and an even stranger machine that reaches towards the heavens! I shall have my answers or I swear by my immortal soul there will be hell to pay!”

The fires engulf Paris almost completely.
As Julia Thompson, the hero and SPUD agent known as Pigeon swoops down she grabs two frightened children out of a tenement building. She speaks into her communication piece, “This is Preybird Two, anyone hearing me?”
Natalia Katarina Romanza, her partner, shoots out a line of strong wire and swings to another window ledge. A woman grabs on and Natalia swings her to safety. “There’s too much static Julia! We’ll have to try Drury again later!”
Suddenly their devices go off. “Chicken Coup to Preybirds! Chicken Coup to Preybirds! Do you copy?” Dan Drury’s voice rings through.
“This is Preybird One,” Natalia responds, “We’re still in Paris. What’s going on Chicken Coup?”
Drury was on the SPUD Hellicarrier. The lighting was terrible outside. “Things are fallin’ apart all over! I need you two to get your &*(^%$ butts to Paradopolis! &**^% NOW! We’re getting a couple of reports that certain villains are vanishing. I need you too lazy birds back home and on the case! Pronto!”

The Cowled Criminal’s Citadel at the End of Time shook as a very angry Eternal Cosmic Breakfast Food simply smashed his way into the chamber where Amazing Guy was held.
“MY-AGENT-YOU-ARE-FREE!” Eggo, the Living Waffle proclaimed as he shattered the glowing cage that held Amazing Guy, Goldeneyed, Dancer, Swift, Shifter and Azule-Arach. “I-GO-NOW-TO-DEAL-WITH-THIS-COWLED-CRIMINAL!”
As Eggo tore through the dark lair, Goldeneyed said, “That’s one pissed waffle you’ve got there AG!”
“He was drunk? I couldn’t tell.” Dancer misunderstood.
Swift sped around the heroes, “Look! Our powers are back! Let’s kick some serious butt!”
Scott Brunsen, the Parodyverse Protector known as Amazing Guy, held up a hand, “Wait! Let’s do this right. Dancer said Yo, Lisa and others were held a ways down. Let’s free them first. Swift, scout ahead and tell us where…”
“On it leader man!” the speedster was gone before AG could finish his sentence.
Azule-Arach takes this moment to vanish to parts unknown.
“Figures that creep would bail.” Goldeneyed quipped.
Dancer spoke up, “Guys, there is something else we should worry about. There is a bunch of artifacts like Knifie held somewhere in this place. It’s also powering the Criminal.”
“Fine. Lets get our friends free first.”
They fly or run down the hall and quickly discover a strange cage with two more heroes in it.
“Get us out guys!” CrazySugarFreakBoy! called out. Next to him was the LuminousLudicrousKineticKid!
LLKK! was very strange as he seemed to be all the CrazySugarHeroes at the same time. No one could quite understand just who they were looking at.
“This cage is made up of Serious Matter. But that stuff is rare.” Scott explained.
“Who cares how rare it is? Just get them out!” Shifter replied. He was the longest to be imprisoned here. The Cowled Criminal had kept this hero prisoner for years just to study his retcon powers. Finally free, he felt very nervous about getting trapped again.
“I’m trying to teleport them out but it’s not working!” G-Eyed said with frustration. “Why don’t you just retcon them out? You have powers like the Hood. You’re the most powerful here.”
“Don’t you think I’ve tried? My powers don’t work here!”
“It’s immune to my Multiversal Energy as well. Dancer?” Scott asked as he turned to the only one able to alter probabilities.
“Hmm. Lets see.” She looked the cage over but before she could begin her probability altering dance there came a rushing of wind.
Swift arrived. In one arm he held onto Lisa and the other he held Troia 215. spiffy clung onto his neck. He looked like his fern was wind blown.
“Well my hair WAS nice. What’s the situation?” Lisa asked.
Goldeneyed noded to the two weak looking CrazySugarHeroes.
“My friend is LuminousLudicrousKineticKid! He’s me from the far future, cool huh?” CSFB! added.
Lisa said, “I summon LuminousLudicrousKineticKid! and CrazySurgarFreakBoy!”
The two colorful heroes vanished from their cell and reappeared next to their friends. Already LLKK’s form showed improvement as it started to return to it’s androgynous flowing day-go form.
“Alright then, lets find Yo and…” AG doesn’t finish his sentence as super speed claws smash him down.
The heroes look up to see Speedshark zoom back towards a gathering of fiendish foes.
They were all there; Amoral Guy, Duplicate Death, Amazed Adaptoid, Deadshot, Horrible Hare, Spacewarped, Plantgirl, Chronic, Prizecatcher and the leering Spaced Fandom.
Their master stepped out from the darkness.
“I only held these heroes because half of them were important to my father, the Hooded Hood. The other half could travel through universes and disturb my plans. I won’t allow them to escape. Try to recapture and remember what I did to Warblk after he failed to get me the one called Access!”
The heroes suddenly noticed a candle lit display with a heap of strange ashes. They do not know who that was but the servants know it to be their companion, the morphing monster known as Warblk, or at least what was left of him.
They didn’t have time to get to the Cowled Criminal as his servants attacked as one.
Deadshot, the un-dead Parodyverse version of Trickshot, fired his arrows at CrazySugarFreakBoy! who dodges every incredibly fast shot.
Speedshark and Swift have their rematch as the two speed around the dark chamber.
Amazing Guy and his alternate universe double, Amoral Guy, trade energy constructs. Each trying to beat the other.
Duplicate Death had split off seven alternate reality versions of herself and was trying to overcome Lisa. The First Lady of the Lair Legion was doing just fine fighting them off.
Plantgirl had several vines wrapped around spiffy. She was trying to strangle him to death.
Troia 215 tried to connect with the Horrible Hair. She thrust her spear but swore as the beast flipped out of the way and scratched her again and again.
Spacewarped and Goldeneyed were locked in a fist fight. For some reason Bry couldn’t port out and his adversary didn’t seem to want to.
The Amazed Adaptoid had added Dancer’s probability dancing to his own. He can duplicate any heroes powers who might be near. He and Dancer were having quite a dance contest.
Shifter, powerless and weak, easily fell to Prizecatcher’s weapons. The villain simply flung his prize over his shoulder and strode off into the darkness.
The Spaced Fandom laughed and clapped as he watched the sport. He knew the fugitives wouldn’t last long. His master always got what he wanted.
LuminousLudicrousKineticKid! seemed not to be hurt by Chronic’s playing of his souped up devil guitar. He/she/it/they bounced with glee. “It’s been awhile Chronic! When I was Dreamcatcher we used to play this game!” He/she/it/they then grabbed Steve and bounced over to the Amazed Adaptoid. The being who was all the CrazySugarHistoricHeroes at the same time swung the devil guitar at Amazed Adaptoid and smashed the android villain’s head in.
“Thanks!” Dancer replied as she danced gracefully across the room. Her probability altering did it’s work as Deadshot got dizzy and against probabilities passed out. She moved on.
LuminousLudicrousKineticKid! and CrazySugarFreakBoy! bounced together towards Amoral Guy. CSFB called out to Scott Brunsen, “HEY AG! We need to finish up fast!”
LLKK! continued for his younger self, “The Parodyverse is doing what comes naturally! It likes to copy certain events and people then alter them. Right now it’s caught up copying DC Comic’s Crisis on Infinite Earths!”
Chronic quietly picked up Steve.
CSFB! continued the explanation, “We cant let it do it AG! This Multiverse isn’t built like DC! We may not survive it!”
And LLKK! finished the brief warning off, “We’ve got to get Yo and the artifacts before any more events occur! If the next step happens it’ll be too late to turn back!”
“Well then we’ll just have to stop it here and now!” Scott said as he put all his Multiversal Energy into repelling Amoral Guy. His duplicate was much more powerful and a heavy threat, but both CrazySugarFreakHeroes attacked him, hitting him with everything they’ve got.
This frees up Scott to look for Yo but before he can get going an explosion rocks the room. Eggo the Living Waffle charged in with all his glory, attacking the Cowled Criminal. Energy flashed between them, slamming Amazing Guy into a wall. Lucky for him his shield held up.
Swift was gaining on Speedshark. “Last time you caught me unawares but not this time! This time you’re going down you two bit copy!” It was brutal as Swift finally caught up, hitting and kicking his alternate double with full force. He used his momentum to smash Speedshark into the ground.
A musical note then rips through the air, crumbling Swift on top of his foe. Chronic smiled then picked up Swift. The Cowled Criminal said to take them out one at a time if possible. We wanted them to suffer. The musician figured the more taken out and moved from the battle the more that couldn’t cause a problem later.
The Retcon Raider watched in the safety of darkness. He was no fool. He waited until his day would come. Twisted Organ stood next to him. These were heroes! They were fighting for their lives! He would not raise his powers against other heroes unless the Cowled Criminal forced him and luckily he hadn’t even tried… yet.
The android known as Plantgirl laughed as her lips turned into a cruel smile. The thick vines at her command were choking Mark Hopkins otherwise known as spiffy. His face was a stark contrast to hers as he showed the pain in his expressions.
“Yes. You think you’re so hot? Mister “Fern Phenomenon”? You control one kind of plant while I control ALL kinds! Now you’ll get what’s coming to you! The master said not to kill but I serve no man! I am and forever have been a ManManHunter! We androids were programmed to kill you heroes! I’ve got you and do you know what spiffy? NO MAN ESCAPES THE MANMANHUNTSWWURRAARRCCK!”
spiffy’s fern decloaked and bore several holes right through Plantgirl. He rubbed his sore neck and smiles, “You talk way to much! Shut up robot!” his fern grew through her robotic systems, ripping out of every existing hole and puncturing new ones as well. It grew fast and strong out of her mouth, shattering the former heroine turned spy to tiny useless pieces.
“HIIYAA!” Troia thrust her spear right through Horrible Hair’s chest. CACHUNK!
The alternate universe version of Jack Rabbit slumped to the floor. The light of life in his eyes faded away quickly.
She was bleeding from all the gashes she received from her opponent. “There!” she said as she stopped a moment to wipe her sweaty forehead. “Finally tagged the sucker!”
Thooump! She pulled her spear out of the villain’s carcass and ran to join the fight against the many alternate versions of Duplicate Death that Lisa, Dancer, LuminousLudicrousKineticKid!, CrazySugarFreakBoy! and spiffy were fighting.
As she left Horrible Hare’s body started to heal.
Without the ability to teleport away from the Citadel, Spacewarped and Goldeneyed continued to teleport in short distances from each other then hit, then port away then hit again. The villain seemed better at this as he had connected with Bry more times then Bry could connect with him. The Legionnaire knew it couldn’t keep up like this.
“Alright Spacewarped ouch! Time to ouch give up before I OUCH… before I… OUCH! HEY! You’d better stopOUCH! FINE!”
The next time Spacewarped punched Bry’s face the hero’s face wasn’t there. Instead a large piece of metal wall was.
CRACK! “Guuh! MY HAND!” The villain yelled as he shattered all the bones in his right hand by punching the newly teleported wall. He turned around to see Goldeneyed’s fist and that’s all he saw.
Quantum energy blasted the ground beneath Goldeneyed as Amoral Guy swooped down. G-Eyed quickly teleported a chunk of floor at the alternate AG but it wasn’t nearly enough. Quantum energy quickly snagged Bry by both legs. The villain smiles as he started to pull Goldeneyed’s legs in opposite directions.
Bry vanished and appeared amongst the other heroes. The battle was raging with incredible effects. Duplicate Death is an evil alternate version of Scott Brunsen’s wife Janeen. Her power is to split off as many evil alternate versions of herself as she wants.
Amazing Guy was trying to think past the fact that this was not his wife but some warped version from a warped Earth. Thanks to his Multiversal Energy a faming version of Duplicate Death was crashing to the ground. Lisa was using her whip and fighting skills to fight a male version of the villain while Dancer was kicking a hairy wild version. spiffy had used his fern to try subduing an elastic one and Troia was dodging and then spearing a massive one made of concrete.
“AG, Are you alright?” Bry asked as he teleported parts of a wall on top of an electricity manipulating one.
“Yeah. I’ll be fine.” Scott said then thought, “It’s not Janeen, it’s not…” a giant fist smashed him to the ground followed by more punches.
CrazySugarFreakBoy! leaped over a reptilian one while LuminousLudicrousKineticKid! tried to avoid a Dark Force manipulating one.
“Hey! It’s like I’m fighting the Lizard! That reminds me! I’ve got to get the new Lizard figure I saw at Toy Fare! It has 36 points of articulation and the mouth snaps shut!”
“Well whatever you do younger self don’t leave it in the Lair Legion Living Room! Trickshot will play a joke on you and hide it in Kerry’s underwear drawer!”
“But Kerry doesn’t live at the mansion.”
“Ooops, it’s still too soon in the past. Well you’ll be finding burn holes in your comics for weeks so just remember for five years ok?”
“COOL!”
As the fight continued Amoral Guy kept Amazing Guy from leaving the battle.
Scott blocked each Quantum shape with one of his Multiversal Shapes. While doing this he looked around briefly. Speedshark and Deadshot were back up and in the fight as well. Amazed Adaptoid must have repaired himself because he was in the thick of it. For some reason the android villain couldn’t adapt his partner’s powers but that didn’t seem to slow him down as he used his combined abilities to charge into the thick of things.
Scott blocked his opposite a few more times then saw Horrible Hair, fully healed and alive, leaping into the mess. CSFB kicked him down but it would only detour the villain for a moment.
Within moments the heroes were surrounded. Scott landed beside them, pulling up a Multiversal Shield.
“Crap. There’s just too many!” spiffy complained.
“Quit your wining and fight like a man!” Troia snapped.
“No Troia, Mark’s right. AG we need to get out of here. Fast!” Lisa commanded.
“I cant! Something about this place is blocking my portals. I can create objects with the energy but not open portals!”
“I’ve got a bad feeling about this.” CSFB! said.
The ceiling to the next floor up broke through as Eggo the Living Waffle, cosmic being with a whole LOT of power, crashed to the ground in a burned mess. Eggo was barley glowing.
Scott was speechless. This was his boss. He had never seen Eggo this bad before.
The Cowled Criminal glided down to the grown, laughing all the while. “Well, well, well. Anyone want breakfast? Looks like you wont be leaving so soon heroes. In fact I think I’ll simply kill all of you now instead of recapturing you. Amazing Guy, Goldeneyed and LuminousLudicrousKineticKid! I’ll simply blast to atoms. The rest I’ll maim or when it comes to the women, worse, then I’ll send the bodies to my father for a Father’s Day present. After all, I only need Yo alive.”
Eggo’s voice crackled with pain, “NO- YOU- WILL-NOT!”
With a small energy effect Eggo, AG, G-Eyed, Dancer, Lisa, Troia, spiffy and the two CrazySugarFreakHeroes vanished.

Vessel, the huge spaceship headquarters of the JBH, calmly travels in orbit around the Earth.
The remaining members of the JBH; Jackie Rabbit, Jack Rabbit, Kid Produce, Eli the Elemental, Desert Rose and Horizon, all sit around the meeting room discussing the current plight of the Earth. All of them look tired and worn out. They’ve been out in the field doing everything they can along side Earth’s other heroes for several days straight.
Jackie: “Alright. So far AG and Swift are still missing, the world wide disasters are picking up speed, communications are choppy and the Yurt has vanished into thin air. Any thoughts?”
Kid Produce: “It hasn’t been this crazy sense the Technopolis Invasion. I don’t know how long we can keep up.”
Jack Rabbit: “You guys don’t have to have a constant party just to welcome little ol’ me into the team. We can rest for a bit… really.”
Desert Rose: “Coward! You would shirk your duties to your fellow man to…”
Jack Rabbit: “Hey! Chill Tan and gorgeous! I simply meant…”
Desert Rose: “Fool! You will address me simply as…”
Jackie: “Guys! GUYS! Enough! We cant fight each other! We simply don’t have the time for it!”
Horizon: “Jackie what about calling in our former members or reserves?”
Jackie: “Well, Little Guy and his grandfather Small Man are in the Micro World, the newer Pigeonman hasn’t returned our calls, the Golden Age Pigeonman said he would join us as soon as he can. With Shelly’s passing I don’t blame him.”
All were silent for a moment. Their team mate Shelly Hallow, the Golden Age Pigeonwoman, died just that morning. Another victim of this terrible Crisis.
Jackie presses on, “Goldfish is still at large and a villain too boot, Visionary 5 and PhantomGhostGirl went back to the future, Janeen is retired and powerless, both Victory and Plantgirl are dead and Trickshot vanished just like the other heroes.”
Kid Produce: “What about the Lair Legion Liaison of the month?”
Jackie: “That team is just as short handed and taxed as we are. I’m afraid unless someone drops out of the blue…”
A flash of energy reveals some very tired heroes as the refugees from the End of Time arrive on cue.
“AG! DANCER?” Jackie yells as the JBH jump out of their seats.
Scott is about to collapse as Kid Produce helps him to a chair. All of them; Lisa, Dancer, spiffy, Troia, Goldeneyed and the two CrazySugarFreakHeroes, look worn out in their torn costumes. Eggo’s cosmic light was very dim as the elder creature hovered barely off the floor.
“Jasper! Get the first aid machines! These guys are hurt!”
“Wait! Yo! We’ve got to go back for Yo!” Dancer yelled.
“And the artifacts!” LuminousLudicrousKineticKid! said.
“If we would’ve stayed we would be dead by now!” Goldeneyed responded as Eli pressed a cold pack on the LLer’s head.
“Bry’s right.” Lisa added, “It’s better to get reinforcements.”
Dancer calmed down a bit but she was shaking, “Yes. Of course. We need to get to Mumph, Finny, as many others as possible before its too late.”
Scott had a strange look on his face.
“What’s up Amazing Doc?” Jack asked.
“The Multiversal Substratum! I can still feel it’s energy…” he was forming small shapes with his star field energy, “but I cant open a portal to anther universe or time. It’s like the road to any other world or era is blocked off!”
CrazySugarFreakBoy! Turned to his future self, “Hey LuminousLudicrousKineticKid! Can you return to the future and bring as many of us with you?”
LuminousLudicrousKineticKid! also looked disturbed. “I cant! For some reason I’m stuck here!”
“WELL- MORTALS- STUCK- YOU- MAY- BE- BUT- I- AM- FREE- TO- GO- AS- I- PLEASE.”
“Eggo no! You’re in no shape to take that many heroes to the End of Time!” AG said to his boss with concern.
“NO- MY- DEAR- AGENT. I- WAS- NOT- REFERRING- TO- YOU. I- WILL- GO- ON- THIS- MISSION- ALONE!”
“No…”
“YES! THIS- IS- A- SUICIDE-MISSION. I- WILL-SHOW-THEM- HOW- COSMIC- BEINGS- DIE! IT- MAY- BE- MY- END- BUT- THEY- WILL- NOT- SURVIVE- IT- EITHER. GOOD-BYE- MY- PROTECTOR.”
Scott stands, “NO! EGGO NO!”
But Eggo the Living Waffle is gone.

“Massster…er..er! He is coming!” the Spaced Fandom shrieked.
In his cold, calculating voice the Cowled Criminal replied, “Let him come. It makes no difference.”
Duplicate Death looked over the weak, thin body of Yo and smiled, “The master’s right! Look how much life energy he has stolen from this pathetic being!” She was standing in front of the large machine that Yo was strapped too. The innocent thought being was oblivious to her/his state. Yo only knew that he/she was fighting for the very survival of Yo Planet.
Amoral Guy, Prizecatcher and Spacewarped all laughed as Speedshark kept beating Swift and Shifter. “Should we kill these two boss?” Amoral Guy asked.
“No. They may prove useful later.”
Chronic just sat quietly with Steve. He didn’t give a crap what was to happen, as long as the Criminal paid up.
“Hey Boss.” Horrible Hare spoke up from where he crouched beside the silent Amazed Adaptoid and nervous Twisted Organ, “What about Plantgirl? Will you rebuild her?”
“She served her purpose. I no longer require her assistance.”
The broken remains of Plantgirl vaporized into steam. The villains tried to pretend it didn’t bother them.
Looking at a screen that showed Vessel, the JBH’s ship, the Cowled Criminal said, “I held some of those heroes because they have ways of traveling to other Earths. Things are almost finished on those two earths so it’s too late for them to do any good but they still defied me and that simply won’t do. I regret not saving those closest to my father such as Lisa and Dancer for pleasure but I cannot let any live who have defied me.”
Deadshot chuckled as he leaned back. “Well maybe next time you’ll install better locks to keep angry breakfast food away.”
With a crimson flash of the Criminal’s eyes Deadshot crumbles to bleached bones.
“Thank you for your services Mr. Bastion. Enjoy Hell wont you?”

Next up; Progeny of 2020! Fleabot! Asil & Idiom! Samantha Featherstone and the New Lair Legion of 2020! The new Power Rod! The fate of Vessel! Eggo’s last stand! Humdinger’s betrayal! The End of the Parodyverse and Satireverse?

All as soon as I can.

Footnotes Reflex

MUSINGS OF MY MUSE NOTE:
Annabelle and Roland were first created on the board as a means to get Claudia from Interview With a Vampire out of my head. Or more to the point, her horrid fate reversed on our fine board of fiction.
As most of you know it grew a life of it’s own and the characters grew out of their beginnings to something I’m STILL discovering.
I decided to keep Annabelle and Roland around here on the board, but with an origin that reflects their true origin from their novel I’m working on. As you see them here reflects their original PV version.
There will be drastic changes and a clouded past that will have to wait to be seen.

DEATH EARTH NOTE:
Nuclear World War III in ’62 Earth (Destroyed in Crisis)
The Cuban Missile Crisis of 1962 ended in a nuclear war that caused a radiated nightmare with Normals and radiated mutates. Its only hero was the Cyclotronic Man.

I’LL SHOW YOU MY ROD OF POWER NOTE:
In the story JBH #12, LSJ Returns Part 2

We meet Penny Forman. She’s the daughter of the Golden Age hero Power Rod. She blames the JBH and the retired Golden Age Team, the Lair Society of Justice, for the death of her father. She was given her fathers weapon.
The power rod would notarize gravity, allowing it user to fly. It also harnessed sun light to fire light blasts and carry others in energy bubbles.
With the Lurker’s beam of light overloading it, it exploded and gave Penny all it’s power. Now she’s a human power rod.

TALES OF THE SATIREVERSE MESSAGE BOARD NOTE:
The Parodyverse heroes to visit the Satireverse were CrazySurgarFreakBoy!, Nats, Donar, Goldeneyed and Amazing Guy.
You can see the beginning of the story here, in Crisis in the Satireverse, Part 1.

The Satireverse is an alternate Earth just like the Parodyverse but with major differences. It was created by the various posters on the board. Each one did a different take on their characters. Here’s the info so far on it…

The Satireverse is just like the Parodyverse, but with creative differences. Each character’s creator twisted their cast differently for this universe. It’s as much a joint effort at the original Parodyverse. Here is a list of all the characters so far seen in the Satireverse.

The Den Defenders:
The Hatman, older, wiser. Gives other people powers with his hats. Leader.
Thundar, barbaric, thinks little of mortals. Ax. Berserker.
Angelheart, fierce, religious fanatic. Angel with wings and flaming sword. Speaks in thous ect. Very noble.
War-350
The Acoustic Avenger, uses his Gretsch White Falcon classic guitar (from Heaven) to play gentle rock songs to stop bad guys.
Falcon: a bird with a human's brain. Dead.
CSFBabe!, Dreamspeaker Kachina Foxglove, pretty much just what CSFBoy! would be if he'd been born a girl - still
hyper, still cheerful, still into comic books and cartoons, and still slightly perverse and somewhat overly driven by sexual impulses. Has crush on Fugleman.
Fugleman (Dominic Clancy) and Princess (his dog); He’s overly good to the point of being a boy scout type. She is his super powered dog that can turn human.
Da White Spot, he opens little portals to a pocket dimension, he's not all here. He’s crazy, part in/out of this dimension
Kid Butcher (Jasper Stevens) & Veggie-Boy (Fred Harris), crime fighting team and members of the Den Defenders.

Support staff:
Dr. Visionary, super smart robot builder, Hank Pym/Reed Richards.
Hopkins 2001, robot servant built after young Mark Hopkins, a support staffer, was killed.
Henchbot, an ultra violent hologram helper to Dr. Visionary. (think Fleabot)
Richard Mason aka Exodus (information and tech support)

The Den Defenders’ HQ is the same floating fortress that the LL had; only on this universe it wasn’t destroyed. Within there’s a Hall of the Fallen, featuring statues of Edwin, Laurie, Aqua-Simian, Sarge, Serpent, loud bang, Zile and Golden Boy.

Other Satireverse characters of note:
Andrew Dean, Agent of The Man. Womanizing rock star/Secret agent with gadgets and Makluan Martial arts.
Greg Burch, Was president of the United States, now lowly hospital staffer.
Professor William Reed, think Reed Richards. Dr. Vish’s best friend. Head of ITC. Very brilliant man.
Amazing Guy (Jim Naybors, former Den Defender kicked out of the team due to stupid mistakes. Dead.)
Gunshot, vigilante
Madam Chef (kicked out of DD for lethal force. Lone operative)
Golden Boy, cocky, self righteous. “I can do it better” Died on team up mission with DD and the LL.

The Triumvirate:
Ioldabaoth Winkleweald, the Chronicler of Stories
Whitney Darkness, the Shaper of Worlds
Jeremy Frost, the Destroyer of Tales

Villains:
Lord Nats, incredible strength, flight, very durable, eye beams, evil, armored, power reflector built in to his costume, gadgets.
Jackflap, Lord Nats’ well-spoken British henchman
Dr Al B. Harper and his army of purple haired fem-bot ninja warriors.

Mike (Killer Shrike, creator of Mr. Epitome) on Fugleman and Princess;
My suggestion for Satireverse incarnations of Mr. Epitome and Glory would be Fugleman and Princess. According to my Thesaurus, Fugleman is a synonym for Epitome in that it means to be an example for others to follow. I figure Fugleman has the same powers as Epitome, but is polite and good natured to the point of absurdity. His costume can have a red and white cape so as to set him apart from the real deal.
Princess has the same type of powers as Glory, with the added benefit of being able to turn into a human being, though she still acts like a dog in that form.

Al B Harper on his character
Dr Al B. Harper
The Tyrannical leader of the South American state of Costa-del-Luna. He’s a Megalomaniacal genius with a mad army of purple haired fem-bot ninja warriors at his disposal that allows him to rule his people with an iron fist. Has tussled with the Den Defenders on more than one occasion, which usually involves the capture of CSFBabe! and her subsequent boarders-on-bondage imprisonment by said fem-bot elite guard. Controls the world's production of satireillium, a metal with amazing properties of an almost magical nature of gravity defying abilities. Has a wayward son, Cody, who has sought refuge with the Den Defenders after falling out with his father.

THANK YOU NOTE:
Another big thanks goes out to Brian for help with Ham-Boy’s trip to the Satireverse!
Also, thanks to Ian, Mike, Adam, “Al” and Jay for their input on parts of this story!

SPIES OR POTATOES NOTE:
SPUD stands for the Super-menace Principal Undercover Directorate, in case you didn’t know.

VILLAINS GOOD BYE NOTES:
Plantgirl started in Amazing Tales as a romantic interest to the younger Swift (at the time he was called Speedstreak). She later turned out to be a ManManHunter spy and escaped. They thought her dead but she’s been working for the Cowled Criminal. Now she is gone, for good.

Warblk, like so many other villains working for the Criminal, came from an alternate Earth where the heroes are the villains and vice a versa. He was that world’s version of Wiblk. He’s dead now. Ah well.

Deadshot is a little more complicated. Ok, here we go. Carl Bastion AKA Trickshot; know him? He’s on the Lair Legion. He’s from another universe. So if he was from some where else, what happened to this earth’s Carl Bastion? Well he was killed a long time ago by Zemo. Thanks to someone’s scheme he returned from the dead and took the name Deadshot. Now he’s dead again and I have no plans on bringing him back.

This story is written and copyrighted (C) 2004 by Scott Bryan (also known as AG), and may not be
reprinted without permission. Annabelle, Roland, Anthony Foresight, Amazing Guy, Justin Time, Jack Rabbit, Jackie Rabbit, Desert Rose, Eli the Elemental, Kid Produce, Scott Brunsen, Tom Irving, the JBH and the Amazing Bunch all are properties of Scott Bryan and AG.

a.g.
Amazing Guy

Scott’s Site! Featuring Caption the Pic (where action figures talk!) and Amazing Tales on the Web (stories and micros of the Parodyverse!).

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